She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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