hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I just put wine in my tea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
