call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
