guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
