life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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