You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
