ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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