Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize