I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
