all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i think my cat just said my name.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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