He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
