There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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