just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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