When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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