just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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