Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
