Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize