Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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