Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
