Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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