After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i love accidental penises.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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