I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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