There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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