I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
