i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
