Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
These tits shall not be calmed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
