I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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