he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
