why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
