i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
