she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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