And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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