Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
