I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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