Got a toothbrush?
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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