i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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