You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he shaved USA in his pubs
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
