i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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