He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
