Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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