it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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