Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
