I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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