Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
