Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
