Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
