the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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