He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
