trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
