So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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