a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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