Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
