When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
