He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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