she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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