He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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