it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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