Screwed.edu
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
