ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
