She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
