Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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