dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
