TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
