man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
