but the lizard people decide everything anyway
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
