when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
