Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
