FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
