do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
