Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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