Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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