He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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