I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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