i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
