No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Randomize
