It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
