What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
