Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
