Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
