So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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