I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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